Burned
by Chut Up Bushes
Summary: After Anya overhears Willow insulting her, she gets angry and decides to summon a demon to scare Willow. But when the demon gets out of hand, Anya makes the situation even worse on herself and Willow. Meanwhile, Spike’s still insane in the basement.


Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Season 7

Episode 5: Burned

Written by Chance Sladyn

After Anya overhears Willow insulting her, she gets angry and decides to summon a demon to scare Willow. But when the demon gets out of hand, Anya makes the situation even worse on herself- and Willow. Meanwhile, Spike's still insane in the basement.

TEASER

Scene opens on Buffy unwrapping a lollipop and sticking in her mouth. Okay… rephrasing that would be… unwrapping a lollipop and eating it? Okay, that doesn't sound too perverted. Okay where was I? Oh, yeah, lollipop. Then you hear Willow in the background.

WILLOW

(Jumping slightly)

Did you hear that?

BUFFY

(Puzzled look)

What?

WILLOW

The rustle. There was a rustle of the bushes!

BUFFY

(Looking towards the bushes, then back at Willow)

It's probably just a bunny.

(Sits down on a nearby bench)

WILLOW

(Sits down also, waving her finger around)

Yeah, you know, speaking of Anya.

BUFFY

We weren't "speaking of Anya," Will.

WILLOW

Yeah, well, we were speaking of bunnies and… and now we're speaking of Anya, okay?

BUFFY

(Shrugs)

Whatever.

WILLOW

Why does she hang around with us, anyway?

BUFFY

Because-

WILLOW

I mean, it's not like she has any real purpose, you know? She just comes strolling on into the house like one of the groupies. She doesn't even like us!

BUFFY

Well, Willow, I'm sure she likes us at least a little bit…

WILLOW

And, oh! She's a _demon_.

BUFFY

Wow, Will, I'm really glad you know that.

WILLOW

I mean, she doesn't like _us. _She probably only hangs around us because of Xander. Oh, I know! She probably still loves him!

BUFFY

Um, Willow, do you think we could possibly get off the subject of Anya? It's none of our business why she hangs out with us.

(Tucks her hands in her pockets and gets up)

WILLOW

It is when she's really starting to get on my nerves…

(Gets up also and starts walking away with Buffy)

As they're walking away, we hear the rustle of the bushes again and see Anya stepping out from behind them, glaring after Buffy and Willow.

END OF TEASER

Theme Song!!!

Scene One

Scene opens on a random woman.

RANDOM WOMAN

And I just wish…

HALLIE/HALFREK

Yes, keep wishing!

RANDOM WOMAN

I wish that my mother-in-law would-

Suddenly, Anya comes up out of nowhere and grabs Hallie/Halfrek by the shoulders.

ANYA

Hallie, I need you for a moment!

HALLIE/HALFREK

Not now, Anyanka…

(Smiles at woman)

I'm kind of in the middle of something.

ANYA

Oh, she's not important.

(Waving her off)

Please go away.

RANDOM WOMAN

I was-

HALLIE/HALFREK

(To random woman)

We'll talk later, okay?

(Smiles)

RANDOM WOMAN

(Throws a glance Anya's way and then grabs her coat, getting up from her chair and going)

HALLIE/HALFREK

(Turns to Anya as she seats herself in the chair across from her)

Anyanka, you know better than to interrupt me while I'm working!

ANYA

(Glancing around her cautiously)

(Leans towards Hallie/Halfrek)

But it's important.

HALLIE/HALFREK

(Laughs and waves her hand at Anya)

Oh, Anya, did you start another war?

ANYA

Not this time, Hallie. This is personal.

HALLIE/HALFREK

Ooh, I like those.

ANYA

Do you think- possibly- you can grant one of my wishes?

HALLIE/HALFREK

(Eyes widen)

Well, I don't believe it's ever been done but-

ANYA

It's not like D'Hoffryn prances around waggin' his finger, goin' 'Oh, no no no, you mustn't grant another demon's wish. Tis against the rules!' I mean- there are no rules against it, right?

HALLIE/HALFREK

Okay, Anyanka, tell me what your wish is.

ANYA

I wish-

The scene suddenly changes to The Bronze at night, to a band singing some weirdo song whose genders I can't decipher. We see from a distance Xander dancing wildly, his arms flopping around. Dawn is standing nearby, laughing.

DAWN

Oh my god. You guys have to come and dance! I can't be the only one being embarrassed by Xander out there!

BUFFY

We'll come soon, Dawnie.

DAWN

(Smiles and bounds off to the dance floor)

WILLOW

She seems extra cheery. Like a jolly old Santa.

BUFFY

Willow, I'm deeply concerned by your similes.

WILLOW

Hey, I'm was a witch. I'm super-poetic.

BUFFY

(Glancing at Dawn)

I think she's just glad that we can all hang out together and be normal- for once.

WILLOW

Yeah, that whole ordeal with Spike last week really freaked her out.

BUFFY

(Sipping on her strawberry banana smoothie those are yummy and glancing at Willow)

You mean Jack?

WILLOW

(Motioning to another table)

Hey, isn't that Anya and her demon friend?

BUFFY

Hey! She turned down my invitation to meet with a demon? I feel insulted.

WILLOW

(Shrugs and turns back to Buffy)

That was scary, Buffy. I mean, the part where Spike was trying to kill you…

BUFFY

Will, you have to understand that it wasn't Spike. He was different. He's getting better- Iswear.

The scene goes to the school basement. The camera's dipping around corners and stuff. You hear the soft murmur of a voice in the background. It's saying, "Now, now, now, don't be mean. Behave." The camera comes around another corner and we see Spike huddled in a corner.

SPIKE

(Spike is staring at the ground)

What are you doing? That's not good.

We see the ground and he's scolding two rats. One has a bit of cheese in its paws.

SPIKE

Oh, no, you did it now! You BAD GIRL! IT'S GOING TO KILL!

(Throws a pebble at the rats and they scurry away)

Look what you've done now! Now they're going to die,you stupid git! THEY'RE GOING TO DIE DIE DIE DIE! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! DIE DIE DIE DIE-

Scene goes to Dawn in school. She's sitting at her desk, making a face at the smell of the liquids her new science teacher was mixing.

SCIENCE TEACHER

(Pouring a greenish liquid into a boiling pot)

You must make sure you have the exact amount of sulfite or you'll get the experiment all wrong- and an F.

(Bell rings)

Make sure you do your homework! Page 34, questions through 23!

JANICE

(Stopping by Dawn's desk as she packs up her books)

That's a lot of homework.

DAWN

(Getting up from her seat and walking out of the room with Janice)

Well, at least we don't have Ms. Leznew anymore.

JANICE

Yeah, what exactly happened to her?

DAWN

(Laughing slightly then rolling her eyes)

It's kept confidential.

Scene goes to Anya and Hallie/Halfrek sitting on Anya's house. Halfrek is drinking tea- muahahhahaha.

HALLIE/HALFREK

(Setting her cup o' tea down on the table)

Okay, honey, tell me exactly what you would like.

ANYA

I already told you. I wish that Willow could be mentally tortured.

HALLIE/HALFREK

Anyanka, dear, there are lots of ways for someone to be mentally tortured.

ANYA

Well your smart, Hallie, just say "Wish granted" ya know, the usual fun demony stuff.

HALLIE/HALFREK

Anya, you're a vengeance demon yourself. You know it's not that simple. What would "torture" this red-haired girl?

ANYA

I DON'T KNOW! How am I supposed to know? Apparently, I don't even like her.

HALLIE/HALFREK

I would guess that if you're wishing…

ANYA

OOH! She has frog fear! Maybe… maybe you can make a bunch of little froggies go hoppin' around her room. Those little evil amphibians will REALLY get her.

HALLIE/HALFREK

Oh, I don't know, Anya. Don't you want to think of something more… monumental?

ANYA

Well… that would be kind of fun.

HALLIE/HALFREK

How about some blood shed? Maybe just a tiny revolution…

ANYA

No. I don't want to kill her. I just want to teach her a lesson.

HALLIE/HALFREK

Then why not kill someone else?

ANYA

(Giving her a puzzling look)

Scene goes to Buffy's puzzling look. We zoom out and see Buffy at her desk in her counselor's office. A shiny plaque reading "Buffy Summers, Counselor" is in front of her. We hear someone talking in the background. The camera spins around and shows a very pudgy girl sitting across from Buffy.

VERY PUDGY GIRL

And they won't leave even though we have more people and they have a bad style and it's hurting me and I can't eat-

BUFFY

(Mumbles)

It's better that you don't.

VERY PUDGY GIRL

WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

BUFFY

(Clears her throat)

I said, it's better if you move.

VERY PUDGY GIRL

We have more people!

BUFFY

You made that clear, Abigail, yes. But weren't they sitting at the lunch table first?

VERY PUDGY GIRL

(Whining)

THAT'S NOT THE POINT……!!!!!

Scene flips to another student. He looks quite stoned and is staring at the coat rack.

STONER

I just feel like I'm not heard.

BUFFY

Um… Jason?

STONER

Like people never listen to what I have to say.

BUFFY

Jason?

(Waving her hand in front of his face)

I… I'm over here.

STONER

(Turning to her and squinting)

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Summers.

Scene flips again to another student. A girl with a shaved head, pierced eyebrows, five lip rings and about three nose rings, not to mention her ten altogether ear piercing. She wearing bright orange overalls with a long-sleeved purple turtle neck.

ORANGE OVERALL GIRL

(In a monotone voice)

I just feel like I don't fit in. Like I'm shunned from this world.

BUFFY

Maybe you should try…

ORANCE OVERALL GIRL

I've been tossed onto the pile of sins…

BUFFY

(Giving girl weird look)

ORANGE OVERALL GIRL

I see now that I was meant to dash among the antelopes!

(Gets up from her seat and leaping around)

Yet prowl among the lions-

(Gets down low and curls her hands into claws)

BUFFY

Samantha-

ORANGE OVERALL GIRL

(Turns to Buffy and growls at her)

YOU MUST KEEP SILENT, MY FELLOW PINEAPPLE!

BUFFY

Um, maybe I should call-

ORANGE OVERALL GIRL

NO, NO! I MUST BE FREE! I MUST RUN WITH MY FIFTEEN HORSES!

BUFFY

I thought you said your horses died…

ORANGE OVERALL GIRL

They did! I chopped them up with my mother's butcher knife last night! Now I MUST BE CONVICTED!

(Gallops out of Buffy's office, tossing her head and neighing like a horse)

(A.N. I'm don't think I'm going to do separate chapters- it's too much work- I'm lazy- so I'll just keep adding to the first one)

(A.N. I'm don't think I'm going to do separate chapters- it's too much work- I'm lazy- so I'll just keep adding to the first one)


End file.
